In relation to your second observation, you leave out the all-important “To me” that was at the start of that sentence. I did not intend to make a theological point about grace/free will! To put it very differently, the desire to make such renunciations does not stem from ‘medieval’ (a term I am loathe to use to give a negative connotation) masochism but as a loving response to God’s grace and mercy. This grace is helping me to discover my vocation, and I am discerning what I think is God’s invitation to make these renunciations. Does this leave you a little less perplexed? I’ll be the first to admit I should be more exacting when expressing myself.